Better To Be A Sincere Friend Than A Winsome Turd

Are Christians called to be attractive, appealing or generally charming?

One word that is constantly used in evangelical circles, almost like an irrefutable trump card, or perhaps, if you don’t like the word “trump,” a magical talisman – while not being magical because some evangelicals might get confused and think we’re talking about Harry Potter. Perhaps this word maintains its mythical power because it’s never defined and can be used to support any form of compromise – the perfect word for the appeaser, if you will. That word is, “winsome.”

Of course, we are told, ad infinitum, that as Christians, we are to be winsome, but what does that mean? It’s so obvious I shouldn’t have to tell you. However, more often than not, this word is used to refrain from any form of conflict or confrontation or clash or battle or fight or opposition or argument because to engage in said monkeyshines or tomfooleries (so defined) would not be, well winsome.

However, it seems wise to step back and ask ourselves the most basic of basic questions, like, what does it mean to be winsome, and are Christians told to be that? If one were to actually look up the word winsome they would see that it means being generally attractive, appealing or charming. As Christians, we should be above reproach, our speech should be seasoned with salt, we should be hospitable and kind, and we shouldn’t be contentious or a blowhard. Granted, yes and amen.

However, are Christians called to be attractive, appealing or generally charming? It seems to me, that everywhere the Apostles preached they were accused of the exact opposite, while still maintaining all of the above mentioned qualities that a Christian should exhibit. That is, their speech could be seasoned with salt and they could still thoroughly piss people off. Not because they were obscurantists or contentious jerks, but because people love darkness rather than light.

Herein lies the real rub in the road for the mushy evangelical that uses the word winsome as a deflector to stand the zeitgeist of our age. Who are they trying to be attractive and appealing to? Or rather, what are you winning people from and what are you winning people too? And, since this is used by Christians as a benchmark of evangelical piety – that is, a true manifestation of the Spirits work in one’s life, how does any of this relate to Christ and His word? This would be the exact point where I would be told, I’m not being very winsome. But again, who says and by what standard?

Just to use some obvious examples of evangelical winsomeness over the last few years or so. We were told that it was winsome to shut down one’s church for the sake of covid. But how was that being winsome? What were people being won too? How was this obedience to Christ’s word? Where was Christ seen in this? How was this manifesting His light in darkness and where do we get anything resembling that in the Scriptures?

We were told this was winsome by the evangelical Gestapo because it was loving. But how was this loving and who was defining said love? Assuming that covid really was the modern day equivalent of the bubonic plague, where do we see anything like quarantining the healthy and forsaking the assembly in the Scriptures, or in church history for that matter? Or where in the Scriptures or in church history do we see the church conceding its power over word and sacrament to the state? In fact, we see the exact opposite on both fronts.

How was shutting down my church pleasing to Christ? How was closing down my business and laying off my employees pleasing to Christ? How was getting vaccinated pleasing to Christ? How was wearing a mask in my car alone so that I don’t give myself covid pleasing to Christ? This word was being used in such a way that it was implied that if I do all of the above that I would, in fact, being “winning” people to Christ – a paragon of evangelism that would make the apostle Paul proud.

Given that Christians are representatives of Christ, ambassadors if you will, what were we saying about Christ to the world through all of our “winsomeness?” What are people being won too when the church exercises homo-hospitality, or pronoun-hospitality, pedophilia-hospitality, or transition-hospitality or whatever other sick, depraved compromises that may be in the works. When are we ever told to not confront sin, or to speak about sin in a pleasing way in order to “win” someone to Christ.

One of two things are happening here. Either, people really believe that “never giving offense in any way, and doing everything that unbelievers tell them to do is truly, genuinely somehow winning people to Christ in some miraculous way. This is obviously contra the Scriptures and confused at best. Or, people have made themselves the standard to be won too. That is, they will use whatever means necessary under the guise of the Christian label in order to maintain a level of, what Francis Schaeffer would call, personal peace and prosperity.

They truly believe that it is winsome to be friends with the world – and I guess, in all honestly it is, but certainly not in the way that they are advertising and promoting. James, writing to the church, the twelves tribes in the dispersion, said,

“You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” James 4:4

Was James being winsome when he said that? How do you know and by what standard?

The fact of the matter is, we’ve allowed this word to become hijacked and used so frequently without challenge that softness and compromise almost seem part and parcel of the Christian life which is a damnable lie form the pit of hell.

Everywhere the Apostles went they were accused of not being winsome by the world. They were accused of being troublemakers by the world. And, in fact, both of these things were true, and amen to that. They were trying to win people out of the world, not affirm their worldliness and this was troubling to those who wanted to stay that way...light and darkness and such. Paul, himself said that the gospel was an offense and our unwillingness to ever give offense under any circumstances really shows an aversion to the gospel.

Solomon says,

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6

However, in all of our attempts to never give offense in any way and never ever under

any circumstance wound someone’s inner child we are showing ourselves to be enemies through our incessant kisses. We should never ever forget that the Good News of Jesus Christ begins with the most offensive of words, repent. Without this one little word, which is one half of the gospel equation there is no salvation. If that is offensive to you, you’re welcome. I would much prefer to be a sincere friend than a winsome turd any day. Cheers!