In the digital and social media age, I tell my kids all the time that if you put yourself out there for public consumption you have to be prepared to not only receive public praise but also public ridicule. That’s just the way things work. As the old saying goes, “everyone is a critic,” and you have to be prepared for that. And if you’re not prepared for that, don’t do it. If you have anything worth saying at all you’re probably going to have twenty people that despise your very existence for every one person that likes your stuff.
It seems like every week or so, I see some story about a famous online personality or
influencer…(I think that’s what the cool kids call them) that committed suicide. The story
usually goes something like this, they posted or shared something that people didn’t like and by didn’t like I mean, hated. The online mob then pours on the vitriol and scorn. The influencer, given that this is their entire world, breaks under the rejection and hate, and tragically ends their own life. The whole thing is messed up and sad to say the least.
The shame mob, or the tolerance Gestapo then functions as the standard to which all speech and content are to be conformed. But seeking the approval of man is a bitch of an idol. People are fickle, unstable and as predictable as the wind. The needing of man’s approval, is to be constantly walking on eggshells and peoples temperaments today are about as fragile as such. It’s a horrible place to be, and yet we all desperately long for approval. So how do we balance this dynamic?
First, we have to step back and ask ourselves, approval for what and from whom? Both are key. We should want to hear well done good and faithful servant. We should want to be faithful and work hard and be known as a skilled man who is skillful in all his work. Bezalel and Oholiab had the Spirit of God upon them and skillful men serve before kings and not obscure men. As Christians, we work as onto the Lord.
You should want to be good at what you do and take pride in your work. If you are, or at least are in a constant pursuit to that end, what does it matter if you have the approval of man? Sure, we all want everyone to say how super awesome we are, but does that change anything before the Lord if you’re doing good work and getting after it. Or, just to up the anti…let’s say, you’re doing good work and getting after it and are hated for it. Again, does that change anything before the Lord?
Having people tell you you’re awesome is cool, but absolutely unnecessary, and when you come to terms with that you no longer need that in order to do awesome work, which is liberating to say the least. It should go without saying, so let me say it…this is absolutely necessary for pastoral ministry. So many pastors today have the modus operandi of first give no offense. They would rather operate under everyone’s radar as to not receive the scorn or displeasure of man.
This is a fool’s errand. First, it is far better to at least be respected for having convictions and hated than to be hated while also not respected by the same people. Best to have the world hate you but fear you because you are set ablaze for the Lord, then to be an appeaser which they will never respect nor like, despite their temporary tolerance of you.
So consider the “whom” first. The Lord, and then those who are closest to you. Those who love you and want what’s best for you. You have to have people close to you that you trust. If those in your inner circle are critical, it’s doesn’t necessarily make them right, but it does mean that you should necessarily listen and carefully weigh what is said.
If people are critical of you and your work that you have never met and don’t know you from Adam, they just don’t like you, then you would be a fool to take to heart what they say one way or the other. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t use what they say to make you better in some way. The “whom” in this respect may be of no consequence at all, but there may be nuggets of truth in what they say. Sweet, they just unknowing made you better if you can use that in some way. There were people who preached the gospel just to stick it to Paul while he was in prison – sweet, jokes on them.
Outside of the “whom” what is the “what” that you are being criticized for? The person could be an absolute jerk but have a good point, or they could be Mr. Christian nice guy and have no real point, but they sound super holy while being a passive aggressive turd. Often how this happens today, especially regarding the telling of truth is that these paragons of piety won’t disagree with what you say – and they will let you know that.
However, they also want you to know that they wouldn’t have said it in that way, and that there is certainly a more winsome way of saying what you just said. The funny thing is, these same people never seem to say the same “truthful” things that they agree with you on, in their super holy winsome way.
These paragons of piety should be disregarded out of hand because they are turds and don’t really have anything to say, and will never say it, but they are embarrassed by your saying it because it further exposes their turdery. As to the jerk with the good point. Receive the point, and disregard the jerk. Toxic, unstable people are everywhere – have nothing to do with them.
We have a saying in my house, “Chew the meat and spit out the bones.” Take what’s good,
what’s profitable, what’s useable and spit out the rest. Keep your head down, work hard and keep moving forward. Haters gonna hate and douches gonna douche. Don’t let any of that deter you from what God has put before you. Chew the meat and spit out the bones. Cheers!
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