It blows my mind the way some people talk about their children. I remember standing in line once at a clothing store listening to the woman in front of me talk to the cashier. She went on and on about how excited she was that school was starting back up. Her primary reason for this was that her kids were going to be out of the house soon and back in school five days a week. My internal response was disgust, and I thought to myself, “I wonder how her kids would feel if they heard her talking like this?”
Here, you have a mother who is lamenting over the fact that she has to spend time with her kids and can’t wait to send them back to their nanny, the public schools, who is the one really raising her kids. I have a multitude of issues with the public schools, of which I have written about elsewhere and will continue to do so. However, the reason I bring that up here, isn’t to bash on the public schools, even though I think said bashing is absolutely necessary. I bring it up here, because in large part, parents would have it to be so because they want someone else to raise their kids.
Yes, being a parent can be very hard, but it is also the most wonderful thing in the world. I
personally can’t imagine not wanting to spend time with my kids or not being thankful for the time that the Lord has given me with them. Does being a parent come at a cost? Absolutely, it does, but anything worth doing comes at a cost, and the cost of being a father or mother is completely dwarfed by the reward. Any affliction is eclipsed by the glory received.
What is hard for people to understand is that it is the self-sacrifice within parenting that makes parenting so wonderful. This reminds me of a basic principle that every Christian should love and relish in and remind themselves of daily. That is, that life comes through death. When you die to self, you are truly alive. Being a parent means discipline and self-sacrifice. It means there is no more comfort zone and that you are going to have to repeatedly embrace the suck.
It means getting pooped on and peed on…literally. It means sleepless nights and runny noses. It means spending money on a lot of things that you wouldn’t otherwise spend your money on. It means the constant vulnerability of being needed. It means learning lessons the night before so that you can teach them the next day as if you are the smartest person in the world, because to someone, you are. It means getting over yourself and having difficult conversations.
It means endless prayers because you realize how little control you actually have. It means being constantly humbled, because nothing shows you what’s in your own heart like your children can. It means constant repentance. Being a parent means all these things and a whole lot more. And, oh yeah, it also means that once you start these burdens never stop, and in fact, multiply…we call them grand.
And through all of this sacrifice we find endless joy because we find something so much bigger to live for than ourselves. Watching your children learn and grow and work through things on their own is amazing. Seeing their strength and discernment is encouraging. Watching their compassion and hearing their laughter brings hope. Watching them fight battles and win, or lose and pick themselves up to do it all over again is inspiring. Pouring into your children’s lives to watch them become better, and braver, and wiser, and holier than you is the most rewarding thing I can possibly think of. My kids aren’t perfect, but they are mine and they are to me. There is nothing that I could give to them, that I don’t get back tenfold. I believe this is how God has designed discipleship which begins in the home, and is the first and most important ministry for every man.
I bring all of this up because parenting in the fear of the Lord not only shapes the future
generation, but also the present one as well. Here is where we should be concerned, and perhaps, a bit more than concerned. As parents, we are to obviously raise our children. Duh! However, in raising our children we grow up as well. The home is the gym where your sanctification muscles are built. So then, what happens when you have the equivalent of a bunch of people who want to stuff their fat butts into yoga pants and go to the gym with the sole intent of staring into the mirrors to simply take pictures of themselves, minus any and all labor? Another way of asking this is, can you imagine a generation of people without children?
There is a troubling trend I have noticed, and when I say troubling, I don’t mean the good kind. The trend is couples opting out of having children. I am not talking about couples that can’t have children for whatever reason. I know several couples who can’t have children and desperately long too and it’s a shame because they would be awesome parents. But these people know what it costs to be a parent and are eager to exhibit sacrificial love for others, which they usually do. That is, pour themselves into other people and causes.
I am talking about the people who consciously decide that they don’t want kids because it will impede upon their lives in some way, which of course, it will. Many may hear that and think, that’s wonderful that selfish people aren’t having kids. However, one could also argue that it is the having of kids that removes selfishness and forces one to grow up. Those with children understand that statement in a way that people without children simply can’t. And no, your stupid pet doesn’t count. And if you think that does, shame on you. And if you’re a man and think that it does, you should be punched in the nuts to be reminded that you’re a man.
Imagine an entire generation of people without children. Do you think they will be more
sacrificial or more selfish? Having children and pouring into them is the only earthly
manifestation we have of immortality this side of Christ. Those with children have a direct and ever pressing reason to want to leave this world a better place not just for their children but for their children’s children’s children. Can you imagine a future generation of doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, pastors, politicians who have systematically decided they don’t want children?
We’ve all seen the politicians that have decided not to have children. They never leave office. In part because people are idiots and in part because they refuse too. It is all they will ever have, and they simply can’t let go. We don’t have to wait to see Ozymandias’ glory turn to dust. We can watch them degenerate in real time as they die in office as they desperately grasp the wind.
Population decline is not just a problem with future consequences. It is a present cancerous rot on our culture now. The effects of which we are just beginning to experience. Unfortunately, the hatred for marriage, and the family and children, doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon, and the further down that greased slide we go, the harder it is to climb back up.
So what can we do about this? Obviously, we can’t make people fear the Lord, get married and make lots of babies. We can’t force that upon any one nor should we want to. However, we can pursue that end ourselves. We can seek to cultivate lives of humble obedience and repentance in our own lives. Lives filled with grace and gladness and glory, knowing that our homes will be our greatest witness to the world. Regardless of where you may have failed in the past as a parent, or of the failures of your parents you can’t change the past. However, you can change the future by living for Christ in the present while today is still called today.
We can make our homes so bright that it may, in God’s grace allow others to see what they are missing. And we can become so salty and savory that others will want to taste and see that the Lord is good, seeing that those who take refuge in Him are called blessed. There is simply no quick fix to the mess we have gotten ourselves in. However, it helps to be reminded from time to time that the Lord plants oaks not dandelions.
Cheers
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