Kindness Vs Niceness

Introduction

It has often been said, that the 11th commandment is, “Thou shalt be nice”. That all seems well & good…perhaps even, well, NICE. However, is it true? Of course not,…but since broader evangelicalism has detached itself from any objective moorings a long time ago that doesn’t seem to be fazing anyone from holding onto this erroneous command.

Therefore, a podcast called “The Godly Troublemaker” seems completely counterintuitive. In fact, any form of “trouble” seems counterintuitive. Trouble being any form of distress, affliction, difficulty or disturbance should then be avoided at all costs.

But, herein lies the difficulty and conflict for the saint…We’re commanded to go into all nations and before all peoples…before paupers and princes and everyone in between telling them that they are dead in their trespasses and sins…that they are alienated from the living God & that they are rebels who will face His just judgment and need to repent and turn to God…And God, in His magnificent grace has provided a means for the sinner to be reconciled to Himself through His Son, who took on flesh & lived the perfect righteous life that we could not live & died the death that we deserved to die.

Jesus paid the record of debt that stood against us by giving His life in our place as our substitute. God is holy & just & everyone will stand before Him & give an account for their life…left unto ourselves, we’re all screwed. It doesn’t matter how hard we try to be good we are not…God is not impressed with our resumes – He is the standard of holiness…and it’s by His standard that we will be judged.

But by repenting of your sin & turning to Christ – trusting in His person and His work, and giving your life to Him by dying to sin & living to righteousness you are saved, you are a new creation, you are forgiven & you are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus, so that you no longer stand before the Father clothed in your filth & disobedience, but in the righteousness & obedience of Jesus.

This is the best news ever, but this best news ever begins with a declaration of repentance. Repent and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Saved from what? The just judgment and wrath of God. We go before all nations, then, commanding them to kiss the Son lest He be angry with you…declaring that Jesus is Lord & that no one and nothing else is and that they are to lay down their arms of rebellion against Him…

“The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man [Jesus] whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.” Acts 17:30-31

Jesus is light from light, very God from very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom were all things made. The author of Hebrews says,

“He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.” Hebrews 1:3-4

John says this in his first epistle,

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” 1 John 1:5-10

All this to say, proclaiming that Jesus Christ is King of kings and Lord of lords is one great big glorious, brilliant spot-light…& if you haven’t been given eyes to see through the regenerating & illuminating power of the Holy Spirit you’re not going to say going to say “Thank You” when the light of Christ is shined in your face.

Herein lies the great tension for the evangellyfish…Do they, do everything in their power to dampen the light of Christ…trying to cover the lamp after it’s been lit…as to receive favor, and perhaps even, a “thank you” from the unregenerate who hate Jesus, thus not violating their self-imposed commandment that was created to garner such favor from man, or do they actually share the gospel straight up & without apology & risk being hated & despised from the people they so desperately want to impress. They tell themselves, “sharing the gospel is no way to win anyone to Christ” & after all, our kids go to the same school & that would be awkward.

So then, what do they do? Well, if they are super-nice they will give off the holy glow somewhat like Moses after coming down from the Mountain. Upon seeing said glow & receiving such niceness, the unregenerate will be so overwhelmed…undone even, & falling on their faces will ask, “what must I do to be saved.”…which has never happened, but we’re sure it will.

So then, am I suggesting that we abandon the 11th commandment altogether? Yes…that’s exactly what I am suggesting. For those who are not weeping, & wailing & gnashing their teeth at myobvious & blatant heresy…they’re asking themselves deeply existential & soul-searching questions like, “how will anyone ever be saved then?” and “if we’re not nicer than everyone else, what will the world think of us?”

Now, far be it from me to make light of such soul-searching, and heaven forbid that I would ever cause any emotional constipation to our distant cousins in the faith. However, I would like to propose a better way forward. It’s called, following Christ.

Kindness vs. Niceness

But aren’t Christians supposed to be nice? Well, that all depends on what you mean by, Nice. If by nice, you mean pleasant & agreeable…that all depends upon context, but even here, I would say that we need to be careful. Now, before your heresy meter flips off the chart & you get ready to light up your tolerance pitchfork let me explain by making some distinctions which will hopefully provide clarity here with the hopes of strengthening God’s people & actually deepening our love for one another.

Nice has become one of those grab-bag words that we just ascribe to everything, but it’s entirely subjective which means it’s determined by the subject. Making that normative for the Christian life is entirely destructive of the Christian life because it makes the Christian subject to another lord…namely, an individual or mob that may interpret your words or actions as, well, Not Nice.

Herein, lies the heart of the problem. Being “nice” is not determined by an objective moral standard, namely, the word & will of God, but rather by the will of man. This is completely unacceptable to the Christian who seeks to please God & live for His glory. Why is that, well, because the Christian is obligated before the Lord to share the good news of the resurrection of Jesus Christ & His Lordship over all of life which is most unagreeable to unregenerate ears…perhaps bigoted, intolerant & not nice.

But we are obligated to share the whole gospel…not just the parts that the unregenerate tell us are agreeable with them. We don’t get to cop-out & be a bunch of pansies just because our message is offensive. Now, would probably be a good time to remind everyone that we worship a man who was crucified…& that the seed of the church is the blood of the martyrs.

Our Lord & His servants, our brothers & sisters were murdered because of their message which, to those who heard it, didn’t think it was very nice & Big Eva is really embarrassed at how un-winsome Jesus and the Apostles were.

“Nice” is not category you can live by, nor can you be held accountable to it…again, because it’s completely subjective. There are things that we all do on a daily basis that many would consider not “nice”…like having a difficult conversation with a co-worker, disciplining a child, a loving coach pushing his athletes to exhaustion, a drill Sgt. getting in the face of a cadet, or a dentist drilling away at a cavity. None of those things are pleasant in the moment. In fact, we would all be tempted, if being on the receiving end of any of the above mentioned examples to think that said inflictor is an outright prick…i.e., not nice, thus condemning them to eternal hell fire.

And yet, every single one of the above mentioned is done with the intent of making the recipient better in some way. This is one of the major problems in our culture today…in allowing the unregenerate to determine what is & what is not acceptable at any given in time, and with evangelicals jumping immediately on board…because racism…not only will the evangelicals never be able to witness to the unregenerate, because the unregenerate determined, a priori, that the gospel is categorically not nice, they [evangelicals] will find themselves misrepresenting God.

“Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.’

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Heb. 12:3-11

Unfortunately, today, far too many Christians have allowed themselves to be completely manipulated into thinking anything that could possibly give offense is not nice, and because the unregenerate don’t like the message, then we must change the message in order to be sensitive to them. This is what happens when let the Devil control the dictionary.

Does this mean that I am advocating that Christians be jerks? Not at all…& fortunately, these are not our only two options. I think that Christians should be jolly warriors & I suppose beingpleasant is much to be preferred over being an obstinate jerk or an effeminate wet noodle any day. But again, by what standard? If by nice, or pleasant you mean agreeable…I would ask to what are you agreeing? If it involves compromising the authority, clarity, necessity, and sufficiency of Scripture, Forget It. If that is offensive…GOOD! It is far better to offend those who hate God, than God.

Also, when Christians go out of their way to be the adult in the room by being Mr. nice guy, what they end up doing is compromising the gospel & throwing their faithful brothers & sisters under the bus. This is usually done to “win” the unbeliever, but they’ve won nothing because now the unbeliever has absolutely no respect for them…like a deserter in war. We may not be very good at detecting a rat, or a disingenuine turd, but unbelievers are.

Therefore, in thinking through these things it would be much more appropriate for the Christian to pursue kindness, & seek to be a genuinely kind person. Kindness is objective because it is rooted in the character of God & evidenced in His actions, which is also why it’s one of the fruits of the Spirit.

“Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Proverbs 21:21

We should seek to be kind, because our God is a kind God. Paul warns us not to think to highly of ourselves and our righteousness nor to, “presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” Rom. 2:4

Therefore, we should look to Jesus who is the Author and Perfector of our faith, & who is also the standard of kindness. Looking to Christ provides bumper rails to keep us from going off the rails in order to please the unbeliever in a way that is displeasing to God. Kindness, then, is objectively rooted in Christ. Therefore, we can say that it is kind to extend grace, or mercy, or forgiveness, and we can also say that it is kind to be long suffering and patient. But we can also say that it is kind to share the truth regardless of how it is responded too.

Jesus is the standard of kindness. We understand this when He tells us to turn the other cheek, or to walk the extra mile, but we have a much harder time with this when Jesus tells the Pharisees that any converts they make will be twice as much children of hell than themselves, or that they were children of the Devil. Was that nice? No! Was it Kind? Yes!

Or, how about Paul, who said, “For there are many who are insubordinate, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision party. They must be silenced, since they are upsetting whole families by teaching for shameful gain what they ought not to teach. One of the Cretans, a prophet of their own, said, ‘Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.’ This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith…”. Titus 1:10-13

Two chapters later, that same Paul said to that same Titus in that same letter,

“Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” Titus 3:1-2

This type of kindness creates all kinds of trouble for the world because it’s not beholden to the world and because it’s rooted in truth & not the subjective and emotional whims of man…Nor is it determined by man, but rather by God. Therefore, one of the kindest things you can do for someone is to let them know that the kingdom of God is at hand and to repent & believe the gospel. Cutting straight and telling the truth is kind. If you don’t like that & are currently mumbling something under your breath about my tone – well then, Sorry, not Sorry!

Conclusion

We live in a world where emotional manipulation is an Olympic sport, & evangelicals are no exception to this madness. Unfortunately, they are far too often on the receiving end of said manipulation as they pick up the latest progressive cause to show everyone how loving & nice they are…& how the world will be won through their compromise, Oh Yeah…& they’re not racist.

Pointing all of this out is going to cause trouble, & being kind in an unkind world is going to cause trouble because it exposes the superficiality & hypocrisy of their niceness…But this kind of trouble comes as a result of faithfulness & being truly kind. So let’s ready ourselves for battle and go kill the world with kindness, and who knows…we might just have a little fun along the way.